A Different Take On Catching Fire
by Malishluv
Summary: Katniss and Peeta have won the games. Peeta barely tried. All is good in District 12 until President Snow has to mess it up again. PARODY. **The sequel to Ilovethemellarks parody, she gave me permission to write it**
1. Chapter 1

**This parody is a sequel to The Hunger Games Goes Facebook, by Ilovethemellarks. Sadly, it was deleted, so she gave me the rights to take over the second. Enjoy!**

Cup of Arnold Palmer, sitting in a park. Listening to Dubstep. Life is good. Well now its good. Not even because The Hunger Games are over, but because Peeta is constipated and can't bother me for the next forty minutes while he is in the bathroom. The second he closed the door, I ran.

Sometime this week I'll be forced to look at all the tributes' families that died in the arena. The little poo bags. I'm not looking forward to it, but Peeta has been stretching for weeks. I don't understand him, its not like he has to run or anything, he's just messed up in the head. He returned earlier than I expected. I couldn't hear him, because I blasted my jam to loudest.

"Watchya listening to Kitty Kat?" He pulled out my headphone, and yelled in my ear. I thumped his forehead, and he passed out. I chuckled to myself, until he woke up. "So what ARE you listening to?" He sat next to me on the bench.

"Dubstep." I responded, without looking at him. He squealed.

"Is that PUMP?" He put emphasis on the 'pump'. I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Peeta I.. I can't even... please just.. stop please... headaches are coming back." I popped an Asprin into my mouth. Peeta stood behind me and rubbed my temples as he whispered,

"Its ok Katniss, I'll make the voices go away." I screamed,

"No! This voices will never go away! Get away from me!" I yelled this to confuse him, he was still staring at where I sat. I sprinted to my house. Peeta tried to chase me, but Greasy Sae tripped him. There was a game in the district. The first to trip Peeta everyday won a cash prize.

"Wohoo! I just got myself some major mula!" Greasy Sae yelled, while doing some kind of jig. It was like five bucks. Not that much.

When I walked into my new house at the Victor's Village, Prim was sitting at the kitchen table, plucking her eye brows. I made no notice of it, it was too common. But somehow, Haymitch was in my house, passed out in the bath tub. I turned the shower head on. He woke up, giggling.

"How did you get in here?" I asked him. He put one finger to his mouth as he said,

"Shh. Haymitch's secret."

"You can tell me." Peeta somehow was in my house. He winked.

"So Katniss," Peeta began speaking to me, "Titanic is coming into theaters again," He did a fist pump, "And I was just thinking to myself, why don't my girlfriend and I-". I cut him off,

"I'm not your girlfriend." He responded,

"Alright, I understand you don't want to admit our love. So anyway, I was thinking, why don't my friend that is a girl-". Once again, I cut him off,

"We aren't friends." He rolled his eyes, and shoved my shoulder,

"PA-LEASE, you are crazy about me." He put on some lotion he found in the bathroom. "Ooh, lavender!" I don't understand him. This boy, escaped The Hunger Games. He didn't even kill anyone! Prim called my name,

"Katniss!" Her voice was deep and masculine.

"What?" I asked, first thinking she was a man.

"The president of our country is here but mom said its no big deal and he smells like roses and blood."

"Alright I'm coming." I replied. "Peeta,"He waved, "Haymitch," he grunted, "You both stay here and don't leave." Haymitch didn't respond, but Peeta said 'kk'. I walked away from them both. My mother was waiting for me.

"He's in the back room." She told me.

"Who, Prim?" I asked, not trying to be funny.

"The president smarts!" She yelled at me.

"Kick Haymitch out of the bathtub and start me a bath." I demanded.

"Kk." She said. I wasn't even going to try taking the Peeta out of her. Once he is in you, he won't come out. I walked into the back room, where President Snow was waiting for me.

"THE GIRL ON FIRE! How you been?" He asked me. I slowly sat in the seat next to him.

"Fine..." I responded, sketched out by his behavior.

"SO, the paparazzi have been on my case since you and Peeta survived the games. I want to know! Do you love him?" His eyes went wide, I couldn't believe that he could run an entire country.

"With all my heart, and every emotion that I feel, I honestly think Peeta Mellark should die alone, in a hole with hungry lions." I responded.

"WELL CONVINCE ME THAT YOU LOVE THIS BOY!" He knocked over the cookies, and got up to leave.

"WHY DON'T YOU TRY A TIC-TAC OR SOMETHING!"I yelled back, feeling like a boss. On his way out the door, Peeta appeared out in front of him.

"Snowman! What brings you to this part of the woods?" He asked him.

"Now I understand why she hates you." Snow responded, leaving my house.

"Alright! Text me!" Peeta waved. Haymitch came stumbling down the stairs.

"Your mama started a bath." He said. I didn't even bother talking to either of them, and went to enjoy my bath.

**I hope you thought it was funny! Please PM me or leave it in a review if you have any suggestions! Also, go look at Ilovethemellarks story! Its fantastic!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! This is probably the most important A/N that I will write, even though it isn't too important: I am going to camp for two weeks, and I'm leaving Saturday. As always I will write at any opportunity I have, but at camp I will have no internet. So if you PM me and I don't respond, I promise I'm not ignoring you! I will write so much when I get back, I'll have a lot of time to brain storm. So, here it is! Chapter 2.**

"Hey Katniss!" Was the first thing I heard on the phone, from the one and only, Peeta Mellark.

"Its like three in the morning! Why must you bother me?" I asked, half asleep.

"I can't sleep! I'm just so pumped for tomorrow its insane." He replied.

"What's tomorrow again?" I asked him. I don't pay attention to my schedule, I just roll with it.

"OMG. YOU DON'T KNOW?" He was shocked. "Be there in a jiffy!" He hung up, and about twenty seconds, later, he came bursting into my house, wearing his footy pajamas with Ryan Reynolds' face all over it.

"Ryan Reynolds?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow. This was a new sketchy, he has never gone farther than this.

"He is a fabulous actor!" Peeta defended himself, "Have you seen The Proposal? With Betty White?" Of coarse I've seen it. I bet Peeta says he's seen it but he's not allowed. "So anyway, back to the reason why I'm here," he continued, "Tomorrow is the Victory Tour!" He told me. I actually forgot about that. I'll have to go across the country with him, oh no.

"Alright, so Peeta, why don't you leave so we can be rested for tomorrow?" He began to argue but I said,

"LEAVE NOW." He hung his head, and stomped out the door. I turned around to go back to bed but Prim was standing right there.

"Why do you hate Peeta?" She asked me, sounding more like a he. Doesn't all of Panem know that Peeta is just lucky enough to escape the games? And that no one likes him?

"Prim, you need to learn that no one likes Peeta. Even his mother doesn't like him. No one and I mean no one likes Peeta." I patted her head, and began walking to my room.

"I think Peeta is cute." She responded. I whipped my head around. This statement made me go all 'hulk smash' on her. I lifted her into the air by her little pigtails,

"PEETA IS NOT CUTE. HE IS AN AWKWARD CREATURE THAT NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO FUNCTION IN LIFE. HE IS NOT CUTE." I yelled. probably waking up the whole district. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" She nodded, frightened so much that she started peeing.

"Ew you lil' nasty, clean that up." I put her down. On my way back to my room I threw a sponge at her. Somehow, the sponge hit Peeta, in his house. I heard him from my bed.

"WHO LIVES IN A PINAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?" He shouted. My mother, yelled back,

"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!" The end of the world. Might as well be tomorrow, because all of Panem will be in his path and he will just destroy it.

Before we went to the Capitol, a camera crew came to our house, to see what we have been doing since the games.

"I shoot squirrels. End of story. Get out if my house." I told them, it took like five minutes. The crew that visited Peeta, wanted to leave, but Peeta made them stay and take a yoga class from him. I feel bad for those people. As annoying as they are no one should have to deal with Peeta.

"So can I have 'fireman' across my butt again?" Peeta asked Portia. We were in the Capitol, getting ready for the Victory tour.

"No." She said, not even looking up from her work.

"But it makes my butt look SO good!" He protested. She shook her head, and told him to go put on the outfit she just finished making. "Cinna will be here soon." She told me.

"Katniss!" He came in.

"Cinna..." I responded. He's okay, not my favorite but I can deal with it.

"So once again, you will be the fire girl." He told me, taking a dress out of my closet.

"Do I always have to dress up like I'm on fire?" I asked him, a little sick of the flames and relatable trash.

"No, you must be-" Cinna was interupted from the room next door.

"ITS FRIDAY FRIDAY. GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY." Peeta was singing. Before we could respond to the gross vocals, he was blasted through the wall, landing at my feet. Through the hole in he wall Portia was visible, with her sleeve rolled up, out of breath. I clapped. Soon Cinna started clapping, then Peeta clapped. I kicked his thigh, and he stopped. Now the whole Capitol was clapping. Everyone likes to see Peeta get hurt. It unites the country, everyone sets their differences aside, to make fun of Peeta.

**I know that its not exactly like the book, but I don't plan on doing every little detail of Catching Fire. So I'll see you in two weeks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm back! I was so happy to see that I gained reviews! Every review makes my day. I read the reviews and I was asked to put the characters on facebook again. I might but I don't know how to do the correct text format. If I don't have it my story will get deleted. So if anyone knows a good way I should do it I would really appreciate the help! So anyway, has anyone been watching the Olympics? Just wondering because I have...Well, I hope you were looking forward to this chapter! This chapter has Peeta's POV!**

"Yoohoo Kitty Kat!" I heard on the phone as I was getting into the bath tub. Only one person would ever say such nonsense.

"What do you want Peeta?" I asked.

"Well if you must know," he began, "Our stylists are coming today and I'm so excited its going to be extra peetalicious with a cherry on top!" He finished. Before I could hang up the phone, all the way from the Seam, Gale yelled at Peeta, "COOL STORY BRO TELL IT AGAIN!"

"ITS NOT FUNNY YOU... YOU..." He couldn't find the words. I was nervous about what he would say, "YOU BUTT HEAD! OH! OH SNAP CRACKLE POP DO YOU NEED SOME ICE FOR THAT BURN? HUH GALE HUH?" I hung up the phone, not getting involved. Within thirty seconds of enjoying my bath, my stylists burst in, all singing boyfriend by Justin Bieber. Of all songs...

"Hold on! Didn't we already do this? All the prepping?" I asked, annoyed that they just came into my bathroom. They all giggled.

"Jokes on us isn't it?" Flavius said.

"Please leave before I throw a brick at your face."

**THE VICTORY TOUR**

I don't know or care what district we are in. Peeta just won't stop singing.

"THIS ONE IS FOR THE BOYS WITH THE BOOMIN' SYSTEM. TOP DOWN AC WITH THE COOLING SYSTEM. WHEN HE COME UP IN THE CLUB HE BE-"

"PEETA SHUT YOUR FACE." I yelled at him, we were about to go on stage for the first district we were in. We were about to be escorted onto the stage.

"Are you ready for this Katniss?" He asked me. Before I could respond he said, "That rhymed." I couldn't stand it anymore.

"YOU KNOW WHAT PEETA? YOUR AN IDIOT. A LITTLE LARD BAG. YOU THINK YOUR COOL BECAUSE YOU BAKE AND YOUR NAME IS PEETA WHICH HAPPENS TO BE A KIND OF BREAD. WELL YOUR WRONG. PLEASE JUST TRY TO BE NORMAL." I didn't know that we were on stage already, so all of district whatever just heard me. Good. I want everyone to hear what I have to say about him. He just laughed nervously.

"Hello! I am Peeta Melark and this is Katniss Everdeen. So I prepared a little magic trick for yas. Are you ready?" No one said a word, but he did get hit in the face with a shoe. He did a little dance, and his leg legit flew off! I don't understand. Children were crying, and others were screaming.

"Peeta, how? Why?" I asked.

"WELL, remember that time we were in a fight to the death? Yeah I hurt my leg there." He responded. I just left the stage, but before Peeta ran off he yelled,

"YOU GO GLEN COCO!"

The day passed, about the same in each district we went to. When we got to district 11, I saw Rue's parents.

"Just putting it out there, Rue was a little creeper." Then everyone did her little whistle. The man who started it was brought to the stage. A PeaceKeeper held a water gun to his head. It wasn't even a good one. It was one that you get at like the dollar store and they don't work. He pulled the trigger and it shot the PeaceKeeper in the face.

"Fail! Imma put that on the internet." I called out, recording the whole thing.

**PEETA'S POV**

My leg flew off. Yeah I'm just that gorgeous. When people ask me why I'm so good looking, I say, 'Its the face. The face the face the face!' Just real quick, did you know that nothing rhymes with orange? Orange is my favorite color, because its Snooki's skin tone.

Anywhosesies, the victory tour is super cute. Its like everyone loves me! Someone even gave me their shoe in district 11! Its just so nice. I didn't know I was loved so much. It just makes me tear up, knowing that I'm so loved for, especially Daisy. If you don't remember. Daisy is the girl who traveled in time to Panem. She's awesome, a really great friend. really great.

Don't even get me started on how awesome Haymitch is! He's just so smart. I asled him to pass the butter one night at dinner, and he said, "eruqinqhqbwjefbfn." He's just a sack full of wisdom. Whimsical Haymitch. That should be a musical. I would direct it.

So, I just got certified to teach water aerobics! Its really fun. I put on some jamming music, and I wear this cute bathing suit. I have these goggles that change colors according to your mood! Its really cool. I mainly teach the elderly, because they are surprisingly good at it. This one lady, Eleanor, she's like eighty-five but she can do a split underwater! I just love everyone, so much.

**Ok, I'm sorry this update took a while. But I think it came out alright. But OMG 9 days until The Hunger Games come out on DVD! I'm so excited!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! Well sorry for not updating, school has been a little bit crazy lately. I'm not sure when I will next update but it will be soon, I promise! And as I've said before, the parody might not be exactly lined up with the book, just because that is a lot to do. ANYWAY... Here we go!**

**KATNISS'S POV**

The victory tour was a complete nightmare. I don't even want to talk about Peeta and his fail of being a victor. He just, doesn't know how to behave in public. I don't understand how he functions in public. How has he survived this far? Not just life, HE SURVIVED THE HUNGER GAMES. That's legit almost now I'm on my way to the woods, about to go hunting with Gale.

I get the electric fence, and this quirky homeless man pops out of no where, oh wait, its Peeta.

"Heyyyyyyyyyyy Katnissss. What goes on?" He said. Inching closer and closer to me with each word.

"I don't know you." I responded, finding the spot in the fence that I could sneak through.

"IF WE WERE A MOVIE-" He began. No. No I was not going to allow him to sing that. No.

"DON'T EVEN START WITH ME PEETA MELLARK." I shouted, now sprinting through the fence. As I ran from him, I heard him squeal,

"EEP! SHE KNOWS MY NAME!" As I got passed the fence, I saw Gale.

"Hey." I said. He responded.

"Katniss I love you." WHAT? Huh? What did he just say?

"WHAT?" I screamed, birds flying away in the distance from my yell.

"I hate you. OH MY GOD YOUR RUINING MY LIFE!" Gale wiggled his arms awkwardly, and threw down his snare. He was about to run away when this kid arose from the ground.

"Wow. Hold up. Teenage drama much?" He said, putting up "the hand" to Gale.

"Who are you?" I asked. He licked his braces.

"I'm Evan. I'm new around here," he said, leaning on a branch, then falling, "Where I used to be from I was the ultimate of cool." He continued.

"Where were you from?" Gale asked.

"Poland." He said. Where is that?

"Is that like some kind of bar or something?" I asked. Before Evan could answer, out pops Peeta.

"Oh hey Katniss, Gale," He looked at Evan. "Oh I see you've met Evan! So, what do you think of him?" Peeta asked us, shifting his weight back and forth blushing. Ew.

"I don't like it." I said. It was true this Evan kid is really weird. He is like, not a person, but not any animal either. whatever the matter is, the kid is mad weird. Then Gale answered Peeta's question,

"I think Evan is fierce." He said. Slapping Evan across the face. What has Panem come to. Gale used to be normal- well completely negative, but still normal. Peeta has never been anywhere near normal, and this Evan kid, well, we'll just have to see. "Evan has this certain, this certain like, we are connected." Then, a beam of light connected Gale and Evan. They both put their hands above their heads, and they starting spinning in the air.

"OH MY GOD. NO. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN. WHO IS THIS CHILLUN? WHO IS THIS?" I screamed. Then, I sprinted back to my house in Victor's Village. Oh joy, guess who was waiting for me? Prim.

"Katniss, Hi." She said, in her masculine voice.

"Get out of my face." I told her, pushing right past her. I went to my room. Peeta was in there. How? I can't even bother anymore to question how he does things.

"We! Are never ever ever getting back together!" He sang, into a Barbie microphone.

"Peeta, when were we together?" I asked him, taking an asprin."

"IDK KATNISS ITS A SONG GOD!" He ran out of the room crying. I smiled to myself. K, that's cool with me. I heard him wailing in his house next door. Then Haymitch yelled some dirty words at Peeta. The usual. My mom then came into my room, asking me to watch the season premiere of Austin and Ally with her.

"You're delusional." I told, her. But seriously, who watches that show? Spongebob is a classic, watch Spongebob.

**Hey! Okay, my friend just put up a really funny parody. So go read it! The author os "mellarkhutch12". So please go read and review! Also, I know updates have been really slowing down, but school is crazy. Thanks for reading!**


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